Helplessness

It has been a while since I have been to a place with white-washed walls, bright ceilings, semi-polished tiles and silent hallways -a hospital. I don’t know but for me, the atmosphere  just feels so different that the air which my lungs breathe makes my chest so heavy and my mood so plain.

We  went there to visit a relative of ours who is being taken care of at the Intensive Care Unit (ICU). He is just a little kid, approximately just three months of existence. I have never seen him before so I insisted to go. They say he is diagnosed with pneumonia, at such a young age it would be really dangerous to him because he is still weak enough to resist the pain,  still fragile enough to struggle such ailment and young enough to be caught up between a battle of life and death.

I don’t really like hospitals, not  because of the huge oxygen tanks or the pointed needles or even the people who wear white uniforms but because of what I might witness there and what might these would make me feel but I just can’t help it.

When I entered the room, it made me feel weak, and helpless like all those lying on their beds.  I saw a the baby, a tiny tube is inserted in his mouth, to help him breathe n there are more hollow objects connected. And then I realized, he was crying, without the sound of agony, it pierced my heart more, because I can see in his face the ache that he endures. I can’t even do anything so I went out.

I was just holding the rails of the stairs on my way down when I saw a man wiping his eyes, they were glossy with tears. He looked at me and I saw his eyes glistening with the ghost of his condition. I sensed sympathy.

I also  happen to overhear an old woman calling someone, also weeping but not with a mere tint of sadness but with glee, because her child has just successfully survived a 12-hour operation and she is informing her family. I sensed hope.

I waited outside and wrote this, because its the only way I know to burst out the sentiments inside. I wish I also have their strength to be able to stay longer in there but I don’t and it might give me the chance to throw up. Until they told me that we are already going.

I hope all of them will get well soon…

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