Last Falling Leaves

I still am not sure about this feeling.

In fact, I don’t even know how to start this post. It’s just that the thought of me, moving to college is still quite unclear. I have been very excited ever since, however, questions like “Am I prepared for college?” or “Am I really ready?” had been bugging me for a while. I think these might be some of the reasons:

1) Start of Something New

Studying in college requires great courage and confidence in yourself because as they describe it, it’s HARD. This coming school year it will be a great challenge for me, why? let’s just say that I live about ten hours away from this university where I will be studying (that would mean hundreds of kilometers) and out of the thousands of incoming freshmen, I only know two of them, and we are not even in the same degree program nor the same college.

I know that I have this problem about being such an “unsociable” person, well I am not saying that I am a bad one but it’s just that I am typically shy and I just don’t know how to put on a good conversation with a friend, let alone a stranger. Yeah, it feels like I will be going into a community where I need to be with other people, because I need them to survive, we need each other to survive.

It really takes a lot of adjustments and I just really hope that I will be able to adapt to everything.

2) Workloads

College workloads are just so far away from high school’s. So this means, if I have already acquired my super effort in high school, I’ll be needing that *insert an adjective in the superlative to the positive infinity degree here* effort just to finish college well. If I only got less than eight hours of sleep in high school, I think I will be missing sleep in college.

3) Independence

Well, this is something that we, youth, have been rooting for ever since. Others might think that it’s good to be independent, but I reckon there is still the downside of it. For me, college is the best reflection of a society where you will be living as a citizen not as a student anymore.  So those things that it will teach will be very useful in the future.

Independence means you have to budget your allowance well. Like how college requires a lot of help, it also requires a lot of money. So, if I have only a limited amount of resources, I should be able to use them well.

Independence means you should know how to work alone. Unlike in high school, where you can still seek help from your teachers or your classmates or your siblings, college demands you to be productive in working alone.

Dear reader

There are more things that college wants from us. And I think enumerating them all would take time. But, if you are like me, I think we need to see college from a different view. I consider myself as a tree and all those falling leaves were my past attitudes and paradigms about the world, and I am removing them now to grow better , a better tree, a better me. Perhaps these fears will be fears by now, but I hope that as time will go on, they will be gradually erased.

Missing the Innocence Within

Summer vacation. I am already experiencing summer, but I still don’t feel the ‘vacation’ part. I am already a graduate but I am still preoccupied with school works that I need to finish [the perks of being an officer]. And I am also messed up of making my decisions for  college. With all this obligations and responsibilities I have right now, I just want to take a rest or maybe, forget all of them for a little while and be like a kid.

No worries…

I miss those good old times when all I have to do is to wake-up, eat, play and sleep, no more no less. As a child, I didn’t have to worry about waking up early just to catch up with the call time in going to school to do what I am required to do. I didn’t have to finish everything because I could just sit there and my mom would do things for me, because I am still young and short. I didn’t have to decide for my own because my parents would figure it out for me. I didn’t have to think of going to school because I am allowed to play all day, even though the sun is too high and it’s very hot outside.

On a deeper note, I also miss those times when getting my knees scratched would only be the reason of my tears; when stomachaches will only be the reasons of my pain; and when having my toys broken would only be the reason of my frustrations. It’s also given that as a child, the only mistake you make is when you have misspelled a word and that you don’t need a hard time to think of a solution because you could just bite the tip of your pencil for the eraser to appear so you can annihilate your mistakes and you can start all over again, without enduring much damage.

But…

I think I have known for a while that even though I am already 16, I can still be a child, not by actions but by heart. I could still do the things I want, except that I am already limited. I have to accept the fact that at this age, I should learn how to be independent and I need to be responsible enough for my actions. And that my actions would be a great factor of what might my future be. 🙂