Reunited Once More

Today, I realized that the galaxies are not just composed of stars, but of constellations as well. You might not see the difference but I reckon there is – the bonds between them. They share something in common and that they create good combinations. Like a family at its finest. You might not see the bond and connection but you can feel it, in your heart, and in your soul.

Before, we were broken, like a glass shattered into pieces. These have made us bleed and made the bond weak and vulnerable. I’ve thought that nothing could mend it anymore and that it would remain as it is. But I was wrong.

We were hunted by the concept of complex interdependence. One cannot live without the other. To remove the fractures, we tried to forgive and forget. We weighed those happy memories more than our pride. It may have took time but at least we now have a better relationship. The sweetest of them all.

Dear reader, 

Whatever happens in your life, remember that your family will always be there for you. And if your family have problems, solve them as soon as possible. That was our mistake, it took so long for us to realize its importance. But I will never be going back anymore. And this end will be my beginning.

I enjoy…

… then regret. Perhaps, my entire life had always been like this, as simple as 1…2… and 3. I incessantly create bad decisions hoping that they will turn into great stories afterwards and that they will give me the temporary pleasure and happiness that I need for a certain moment, but I invariably end up blaming myself for having done those silly things. I guess it’s because I never followed life’s instructions.

But wait, are there instructions at all? I think not. Life does not come with a perfect manual. It does not specify the correct chronological order of steps that you need to follow to flawlessly conquer it. We are unaware of the rules imposed by the playful universe. And life is not really about connecting the dots to create a good pattern but about fathoming the stars to catalyze an unblemished constellation.

Yes we make mistakes, but we should not make them our stupidities. Life’s pattern should be “I enjoy, then regret, then LEARN”. We don’t need to be perfect because we can’t be. After all, experiences will always be life’s greatest teacher.

Dear reader, you need to understand that living also means misapprehensions and stumbling blocks, but you should never let these fool and conquer you. The best way to overcoming them is to start doing so. But don’t be afraid because it actually goes like that. Take risks, join in, learn.

Beware…

Truth. Everybody wants it, even if it hurts, like all the time. Most of us risk ourselves just to search for it but we always end up suffering the consequences, suffering pain.

But what does truth imply? What does it mean in the first place? Are we being true to others? Or should I ask, are we being true to ourselves?

We live in a world where people say that they are not lying, that they are telling the truth. But sometimes, others’ paradigm of truth is not about saying the truth but about choosing what ‘true’ things to say. On the other hand, we trust people because we think that they are telling the truth, where in fact they’re just choosing the ‘truth’ they want to tell.

WHY DOES TRUTH HURT?

They say that the truth will set you free. Yes indeed, saying and expressing the truth will . But how about accepting it? Will it free you from bondage or will it bring you pain? We choose whom to trust, but some people just don’t know how to take care of it. I hate it how physical innocence can be deceiving enough to conceal the true color of a simulated identity. And how they’re still confident to roam around, still proud of what they’ve done.

Dear reader, the first four questions above are for you to answer. But I think if you can’t be true to others, at least be true to your self. Because at the end of the day, you might not realize that you have already done or said something wrong, unconsciously, and that it will hunt you for the rest of your life. Beware…

Veiled Threats

“Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them now, make one wrong move and everyone will now.”

I got this one from a song, very meaningful indeed. It made me realize that even those with the purest hearts have their darkest secrets. They live their day-to-day lives concealing what they do not want the public to know, that they only want these things to be kept among themselves. Even their loved ones cannot unveil the truths behind these mysteries because they are intentionally drawn out from their attention, right under everyone’s nose. So we cannot do anything about it.

What the universe wants us to understand is that we are all performers of our own stage. But I, as a mere speck of dust compared to anyone, being always an underdog and the most underestimated member of any group I join in, would not let myself to show other people my weaknesses. Clowns and jokers wear this theatrical type of make-up to show another face to the public. Sometimes, that is what I do. I wear those smiles to bury the fears and frustrations that I have kept for as long as I have been existing. I grin at anyone whom I meet at the corridors everyday even though the universe never made life that easy but until now I still cannot probe life’s reasons about that certain matter. And lastly, my face chooses to beam like sunlight even if the dawn always breaks right in front of me and that the moon never silhouetted its light upon me.

After all, I am not a public figure. I own a private life which only means that I can decline others’ opinions and consider my one line of reasoning. Nobody knows me and nobody owns me. I can make my own choices. I can veil those secrets and mysteries I want to be untold, either they might be that not so important or the threats that would pay me to risk my own life.

Apathy.

Relationships, maybe it by blood that runs through your veins or by other types of connections, do not always have happy endings. I am a living proof to that. Let us take it like this…

I was once a faithful servant of His Royal Highness and Her Majesty Queen. I did all my best I could to meet their needs and wants by action, not by words alone.But then they were conquered by worldly things. They only value the material and earthly things. They turned out to be unappreciative of what’s invisible to the eyes but visible to the heart.

The wounds they have conjured are still fresh. Maybe before, we had those memories we shared but I think these are not enough anymore to bind what has been torn and to mend what has been broken. I wouldn’t mind talking to you from now on because I believe that our stars will never cross anymore and our constellations will never be fathomed again.

Before I felt love, but now I sense apathy, the lack of feeling or emotion towards you and everyone that surrounds you. I reckon you’re mature enough to understand what is to be understood. Don’t think that I hate you but you may consider that I do not appreciate your existence anymore.

People might judge me, they might have known the story but they don’t know what’s behind it. Others might turn against me, but I don’t give a damn, they have not taken those broken glasses I have breathed and they have not also suffered the bleeding of the innocence inside me.

Scars.

John Green once said “Almost everyone is obsessed with leaving a mark upon the world. Bequeathing a legacy. Outlasting death. We all want to be remembered. i do too. That’s what bothers me most, is being another unremembered casualty in the ancient and inglorious war against life”.

One of the most exhilarating stage of my life (high school) will end in a couple of weeks from now. Soon, we will be receiving our diplomas which will serve as our passage for another step towards our dreams. We will soon flip another page and start another chapter, scribble our future while reminiscing the past.

But I don’t want to enter that world yet because I still want to wander what high school wants to offer me. I felt like I was inside a set of written sheets of paper while meeting the other characters. These other characters I have bumped into held a special place in the organ that pumps my blood, and I call them my “friends”.

Yes, I have enjoyed every moment I had with them but what bothers we most is that, have they shared the same feelings with me too? Those instances I had with them, have they felt love or apathy? happiness of calamity? I know I’ve never been that perfect person.The person everyone wants and likes to be with. But I think I should only be sorry for not being what the society wants to be, not for what and who I am.

I have always wanted to be noticed, but it made me improbably biased toward consciousness, that it rewards intelligence in part because, like the universe, I enjoy the elegance being observed. Perhaps like John Green quoted, I have always wanted to leave a mark but this mark humans leave are too often scars. You want to be noticed but all you leave behind are more scars.

This belief should have never grown in me, that’s why I am trying to overcome them. What I am trying to achieve is to create more not just memorable but also unforgettable recollections with my friends. I hope they’d allow me so that I would be an integral part of their lives too.

The Day I Needed My Handkerchief

Yesterday, while I was doing my assignments, one of my schoolmates called me, she said “Mark, you are needed at the computer room”. So I kept my things and went straight to where I was told to go but I’ve noticed something strange with my schoolmate’s eyes, they were red, like she have just cried. The idea that I will need my handkerchief popped into my head so I returned to our classroom and retrieved it.

Before I opened the door, I asked myself “Why would they summon me here?”. But I didn’t want them to be kept waiting so I knocked, opened it then entered. There were only four people inside, our Student Affairs Coordinator, SBO Adviser, Level Coordinator and our highly respected Guidance Counselor and I was like, “What on Earth have I done?” and then I found out that it’s for selecting the AY Foundation Awardee for this year.

At first they were just asking about school stuff, like “Why do you think your classmates recommended you for this?” and whatnot. It went just like a casual interview but not with casual people. Then they have dug deeper into my personal life. They asked questions about my life outside the four corners of our classroom and beyond the gates of our school, about my family, and about myself. The way they spoke those words, it gave me a sudden change of mood. While answering them I have never expected myself to shed tears, not in front of them, not in front of anybody else. And it’s my first time for this year!

They have offered me tissues but I said I have brought with me my handkerchief [so that’s  the purpose!]. I have never felt this way before but to know that they have shared with you the thoughts you can’t voice out feels like I have defied gravity at its finest. Before I left, I thanked them for listening even though my voice trembled during the interview. And they have also asked me to summon another person there.

Then I thought, they’ll make another person cry. 🙂

Reminiscence

Our holiday vacation is nearly over (well that’s still more than two weeks of being free from any school responsibilities). But recently, one of our teachers has already given our “advance” tasks. At first I was dismayed (maybe because of the fact that soon enough I will be again forced to wake up early in the morning even though I still want to cuddle with my pillows and cover myself with my blanket), and another thing is, IT’S DUE ON FRIDAY!!!

So there is this one particular task wherein we will be creating a “scrapbook” or a “photo album” which will be containing our pictures from the time when we first entered our school gate ’til now. So all of us had been preoccupied finding, downloading and printing those photos for our this particular requirement.

I have already searched my schoolmates’ albums in facebook, hoping that one of them had mistakenly taken a photo with me or had stolen some shots of my unattractiveness. But as I kept on searching, I couldn’t help but smile.

I can’t imagine how we’ve managed to share those “jeje posts” as they call them; that we were once those students who have experienced to preserve different types of algae and classify various kinds of fungi in our biology class; that we have once sacrificed our weekends just to rehearse for our speech choir performance;  and that we have been once those whom our “manongs and manangs” called their “adings”.

Now, we are the Seniors. For me, this task that have been given to us is more than a requirement in our subject.

I know that before, I was once the “camera shy” type because I do not really fancy taking photos. But now, I try to fit myself in every photos my schoolmates take, even if only a part of my body will be seen in that picture (LOL).

These pictures symbolize the adventures we had from the very beginning. All those laughter, tears, jokes, heartbreaks and many more had been attached on those photographs. Maybe in the near future we will not see each other anymore, but in the past, we had created memories, and these will help us remember all those people who had been part of our adventure.

To my fellow Seniors, we still have three months!!! three months of picture takings, sharing (corny) jokes and whatever we might want to do. It’s not yet too late. 🙂

One Friend Left

This write-up is influenced by Dan Seals’ ONE FRIEND LEFT

Image

I always thought you were the best

I guess I always will.

I always felt that we were blessed,

And I feel that way still.”

It has been a long time since we’ve been friends. We were shy then. We didn’t talk that much. And you weren’t still telling me those jokes yet, forcing me to laugh because they are not funny at all (Haha). But fortunately we got to know each other more and I am glad we did.

“Sometimes we took the hard road,

But we always saw it through.

If I had only one friend left,

I’d want it to be you.”

        As we created our own paths journeying through life, we had been facing rough times and those not so smooth sails. We had encountered different challenges the universe gave us. But we still managed to surpass all of these, because we worked hand in hand.

“Sometimes the world was on our side;

Sometimes it wasn’t fair.

Sometimes it gave a helping hand’

Sometimes we didn’t care.”

        Even though odds were not always in our favor, we never left each other. Splitting had never been our option. Perhaps, we learned how to not live without each other. It’s the only the “dependence” that I had loved so far.

That I could move a mountain”

Someone to tell to it to.

If I had only one friend left,

I’d want it to be you.

        As time passed by, I had proved to myself that I can do anything for you and that I cannot do anything without you. With you, I am a towering mountain. Without you, I am just a mere speck of dust.

“’Cause when we were together,

It made the dream come true.

If I had only one friend left,

I’d want it to be you.”

        The feeling is just so different when I spend my time with you. It feels like a dream, a dream wherein I don’t want to wake up but instead, live this dream with you. 

“Someone who understands me,

And knows me inside out.

And it helps keep me together,

And believes without a doubt,” 

        Well, I do have other friends and you do too. But it’s just that I feel incomplete when you’re not here. You are the most understanding person I have ever had. And the most caring, because even in the darkest of times, you still show me the light where I find happiness.

“That I could move a mountain:

Someone to tell it to.

If I had only one friend left,

I’d want it to be you.”

       But now everything has changed. Maybe because someone makes you happier now than I do or maybe you just got tired of having me. What a terrible turn of events indeed. But I promise, I will always be here whatever it takes because if I had only one friend left, I’d want it to be you. [Dear Friend]

There are more reasons to smile

Albus Dumbledore once quoted, “Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”

Life as we know it ,is unfair. The universe won’t reveal anything unless you discover it by yourself. Most of us had been tired of suffering from “failures and frustrations” as we journey through life

Of course, who would be willing to suffer? to be sad? and to be not appreciated?

All I know is that without pain, we couldn’t know joy. As we create our own paths, darkness will always be there, failures, frustrations, discouragements, always trying to make your heart cold and your soul give up. But if we learn to turn on our own lights, happiness will always overpower darkness.

Dear reader, yes there are reasons to be sad, but we should not forget that there are always more reasons to smile. 🙂