Last Falling Leaves

I still am not sure about this feeling.

In fact, I don’t even know how to start this post. It’s just that the thought of me, moving to college is still quite unclear. I have been very excited ever since, however, questions like “Am I prepared for college?” or “Am I really ready?” had been bugging me for a while. I think these might be some of the reasons:

1) Start of Something New

Studying in college requires great courage and confidence in yourself because as they describe it, it’s HARD. This coming school year it will be a great challenge for me, why? let’s just say that I live about ten hours away from this university where I will be studying (that would mean hundreds of kilometers) and out of the thousands of incoming freshmen, I only know two of them, and we are not even in the same degree program nor the same college.

I know that I have this problem about being such an “unsociable” person, well I am not saying that I am a bad one but it’s just that I am typically shy and I just don’t know how to put on a good conversation with a friend, let alone a stranger. Yeah, it feels like I will be going into a community where I need to be with other people, because I need them to survive, we need each other to survive.

It really takes a lot of adjustments and I just really hope that I will be able to adapt to everything.

2) Workloads

College workloads are just so far away from high school’s. So this means, if I have already acquired my super effort in high school, I’ll be needing that *insert an adjective in the superlative to the positive infinity degree here* effort just to finish college well. If I only got less than eight hours of sleep in high school, I think I will be missing sleep in college.

3) Independence

Well, this is something that we, youth, have been rooting for ever since. Others might think that it’s good to be independent, but I reckon there is still the downside of it. For me, college is the best reflection of a society where you will be living as a citizen not as a student anymore.  So those things that it will teach will be very useful in the future.

Independence means you have to budget your allowance well. Like how college requires a lot of help, it also requires a lot of money. So, if I have only a limited amount of resources, I should be able to use them well.

Independence means you should know how to work alone. Unlike in high school, where you can still seek help from your teachers or your classmates or your siblings, college demands you to be productive in working alone.

Dear reader

There are more things that college wants from us. And I think enumerating them all would take time. But, if you are like me, I think we need to see college from a different view. I consider myself as a tree and all those falling leaves were my past attitudes and paradigms about the world, and I am removing them now to grow better , a better tree, a better me. Perhaps these fears will be fears by now, but I hope that as time will go on, they will be gradually erased.

Change what you cannot accept…

A/N: This is from the 365 Writing Prompts of the Daily Post

May 3: The little things. Describe a little thing – one of the things you love that defines your world but is often overlooked.

… Accept what you cannot change.

They say that the simplest way to achieve happiness is contentment, the gift of acceptance for one’s self. Truly it is, that simplicity is beauty itself, but unfortunately, only a few were given the ability of self-actualization, the understanding that the littlest things are the most important and that the big things are just nothing but temporary.

Nature is one of those little things that we weren’t really able to appreciate that much. And on a deeper note, we are also the reason of its destruction. You might say that since it just gives the air we breathe and it cannot give you the most expensive jewelries, mouth-watering dishes, nor the newest gadgets, so you won’t care anymore, but that just ruined the whole thing. You consider the air you breathe as a little thing yet it’s the reason why you can still wear those jewelries or eat those foods or play with those gadgets.

Dear reader, I think this generation had been so ambitious that they overlooked into the future without giving importance to what they still have in the present nor learning from the lessons of the past. I hope you are not one of them. Learn to appreciate the littlest things, because they provide you the biggest joy you could possibly have.

Helplessness

It has been a while since I have been to a place with white-washed walls, bright ceilings, semi-polished tiles and silent hallways -a hospital. I don’t know but for me, the atmosphere  just feels so different that the air which my lungs breathe makes my chest so heavy and my mood so plain.

We  went there to visit a relative of ours who is being taken care of at the Intensive Care Unit (ICU). He is just a little kid, approximately just three months of existence. I have never seen him before so I insisted to go. They say he is diagnosed with pneumonia, at such a young age it would be really dangerous to him because he is still weak enough to resist the pain,  still fragile enough to struggle such ailment and young enough to be caught up between a battle of life and death.

I don’t really like hospitals, not  because of the huge oxygen tanks or the pointed needles or even the people who wear white uniforms but because of what I might witness there and what might these would make me feel but I just can’t help it.

When I entered the room, it made me feel weak, and helpless like all those lying on their beds.  I saw a the baby, a tiny tube is inserted in his mouth, to help him breathe n there are more hollow objects connected. And then I realized, he was crying, without the sound of agony, it pierced my heart more, because I can see in his face the ache that he endures. I can’t even do anything so I went out.

I was just holding the rails of the stairs on my way down when I saw a man wiping his eyes, they were glossy with tears. He looked at me and I saw his eyes glistening with the ghost of his condition. I sensed sympathy.

I also  happen to overhear an old woman calling someone, also weeping but not with a mere tint of sadness but with glee, because her child has just successfully survived a 12-hour operation and she is informing her family. I sensed hope.

I waited outside and wrote this, because its the only way I know to burst out the sentiments inside. I wish I also have their strength to be able to stay longer in there but I don’t and it might give me the chance to throw up. Until they told me that we are already going.

I hope all of them will get well soon…

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You think you have always known…

… yet you never really had.

Something’s bothering me and I’ve tried my best to let it pass out yet I can’t, and so I’m writing this down now…

To Whom It May Concern:

I don’t care if your mind would restrict processing the thoughts I have written below and that you might not as well understand, but I hope your conscience does.

It’s so funny how I was just talking about how important to be someone who is sensitive enough to know his or her responsibilities and obligations as a human being in my previous blog post yesterday, yet today, I just came across something ironic, something that made me feel disappointed.

For me, there are several kinds of living creatures, there are those who learn, who change, who understand, but on the other hand, unfortunately, there are those who DON’T.

Sometimes, people think they’ve already done enough, that they’re already mature for having accomplished such things, that they are already responsible and independent to do things on their own, that they have already understood the adversities of daily living, that they have already been aware of their childish actions, that they have already changed, and that they think they have always known, yet they never really had… NEVER.

I am not judging… I am not being mean… I am not being rude…. I am just trying to state the awful truth…

I know you have already asked yourself something like, “Have I really grown old?” but why not try to question “Have I already grown up?”.

p.s. If you don’t want to be sensitive enough for others, do it for yourself.

And when the stars come falling down…

… I will make sure to not catch any.

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[photo credits: tumblr]

Well, of course you will burst out because they are glowing balls of hot gases. But kidding aside, someone reasoned out that she will not catch any so she can wish on them all and not waste a star or a wish. Like her, I may not be a star-catcher but I am a dreamer. Are you not too?

We all have our esoteric dreams within ourselves, we don’t tell the other people because we assume that they might jinx them and that these dreams will not happen anymore. Haha, such beliefs, but it’s cute isn’t it? We might not notice but these series of visions and thoughts created in our own imaginations called dreams may also be a source of hope for us. They serve as guides to reach our goals. They become our signs to know the right direction in order to grasp our destination. And most especially, they inspire us, and this reason is more than enough to call them our dreams. 🙂

“And all our dreams shall turn, to reality”…

It’s very important that we become dreamers in our own ways, but we can’t be dreamers forever. If we don’t want to be called delusional and unreal, and if we want our dreams to come true, we must take action. We must learn that in life, things will not automatically appear like magic. And that nobody will do things for us, except ourselves. We should put in mind that aside from dreaming, we should also forge our path and write our own destiny.

[credits: Dear friend, :)]

I enjoy…

… then regret. Perhaps, my entire life had always been like this, as simple as 1…2… and 3. I incessantly create bad decisions hoping that they will turn into great stories afterwards and that they will give me the temporary pleasure and happiness that I need for a certain moment, but I invariably end up blaming myself for having done those silly things. I guess it’s because I never followed life’s instructions.

But wait, are there instructions at all? I think not. Life does not come with a perfect manual. It does not specify the correct chronological order of steps that you need to follow to flawlessly conquer it. We are unaware of the rules imposed by the playful universe. And life is not really about connecting the dots to create a good pattern but about fathoming the stars to catalyze an unblemished constellation.

Yes we make mistakes, but we should not make them our stupidities. Life’s pattern should be “I enjoy, then regret, then LEARN”. We don’t need to be perfect because we can’t be. After all, experiences will always be life’s greatest teacher.

Dear reader, you need to understand that living also means misapprehensions and stumbling blocks, but you should never let these fool and conquer you. The best way to overcoming them is to start doing so. But don’t be afraid because it actually goes like that. Take risks, join in, learn.

Beware…

Truth. Everybody wants it, even if it hurts, like all the time. Most of us risk ourselves just to search for it but we always end up suffering the consequences, suffering pain.

But what does truth imply? What does it mean in the first place? Are we being true to others? Or should I ask, are we being true to ourselves?

We live in a world where people say that they are not lying, that they are telling the truth. But sometimes, others’ paradigm of truth is not about saying the truth but about choosing what ‘true’ things to say. On the other hand, we trust people because we think that they are telling the truth, where in fact they’re just choosing the ‘truth’ they want to tell.

WHY DOES TRUTH HURT?

They say that the truth will set you free. Yes indeed, saying and expressing the truth will . But how about accepting it? Will it free you from bondage or will it bring you pain? We choose whom to trust, but some people just don’t know how to take care of it. I hate it how physical innocence can be deceiving enough to conceal the true color of a simulated identity. And how they’re still confident to roam around, still proud of what they’ve done.

Dear reader, the first four questions above are for you to answer. But I think if you can’t be true to others, at least be true to your self. Because at the end of the day, you might not realize that you have already done or said something wrong, unconsciously, and that it will hunt you for the rest of your life. Beware…

Veiled Threats

“Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them now, make one wrong move and everyone will now.”

I got this one from a song, very meaningful indeed. It made me realize that even those with the purest hearts have their darkest secrets. They live their day-to-day lives concealing what they do not want the public to know, that they only want these things to be kept among themselves. Even their loved ones cannot unveil the truths behind these mysteries because they are intentionally drawn out from their attention, right under everyone’s nose. So we cannot do anything about it.

What the universe wants us to understand is that we are all performers of our own stage. But I, as a mere speck of dust compared to anyone, being always an underdog and the most underestimated member of any group I join in, would not let myself to show other people my weaknesses. Clowns and jokers wear this theatrical type of make-up to show another face to the public. Sometimes, that is what I do. I wear those smiles to bury the fears and frustrations that I have kept for as long as I have been existing. I grin at anyone whom I meet at the corridors everyday even though the universe never made life that easy but until now I still cannot probe life’s reasons about that certain matter. And lastly, my face chooses to beam like sunlight even if the dawn always breaks right in front of me and that the moon never silhouetted its light upon me.

After all, I am not a public figure. I own a private life which only means that I can decline others’ opinions and consider my one line of reasoning. Nobody knows me and nobody owns me. I can make my own choices. I can veil those secrets and mysteries I want to be untold, either they might be that not so important or the threats that would pay me to risk my own life.

There are more reasons to smile

Albus Dumbledore once quoted, “Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”

Life as we know it ,is unfair. The universe won’t reveal anything unless you discover it by yourself. Most of us had been tired of suffering from “failures and frustrations” as we journey through life

Of course, who would be willing to suffer? to be sad? and to be not appreciated?

All I know is that without pain, we couldn’t know joy. As we create our own paths, darkness will always be there, failures, frustrations, discouragements, always trying to make your heart cold and your soul give up. But if we learn to turn on our own lights, happiness will always overpower darkness.

Dear reader, yes there are reasons to be sad, but we should not forget that there are always more reasons to smile. 🙂

Yes we can!

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This is my very first post so I just want to make it somewhat inspirational in my own way. Well I reckon I maybe “not that good” type but I hope you’ll like it. :))

Bethany Hamilton succinctly puts, “I don’t need easy… I need possible.” When I watched this movie, I never expected that it was a true to life story of a surfer, nor did I imagine that someone, undergoing such circumstances, will manage to surpass this challenge of life. But for a matter of minutes I have made myself believe, that as long as we think that we can do it, we can really do it.

Life as we know it is full of challenges and adventures. It is just like crossing a vast ocean, the waves are the adventures, the ship is our life, and we are the captains of our ships. We cannot expect to have a clear and smooth sail as we journey along the way. Perhaps, there will be storms that would turn the skies pitch black and would make the waves roar like tigers in the wild. At this point in time now will be the moment that might bring you up, or turn you down. Remember, you are the only captain of your ship. It is in your hands on how to handle such kinds of fate, good or bad.

The problem in the society is, most of us easily get intimidated by other people before we ought to try something. Blinded by insecurity and the lack of confidence, we fail to realize the essence of being the only captain of our ships because we consider first what others think instead of having our mind and heart decide for our own.

Anything is possible in this world where we live. It’s just that many of us think the other way around because they failed to try. Believe me, we will not learn much through the “easy way”. Maybe it might make things possible but I reckon, the more we risk ourselves to try, the more possible things will be.